“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” C.S. Lewis
Letting go is probably one of the hardest and scariest thing you can do. Letting go means you can no longer play the victim. Being the victim is safe — it feels good. You don’t have to take responsibility for your own life. You don’t have to take risks because you’re not taking action. It’s so much easier to play the blame game and point fingers at other people. This mindset is not only going to hold you back from becoming the person you need to be, but also put other people in control of your life. You can’t be the CEO of your life because you can’t take responsibility.
I completely understand how easy it is to play the victim. It’s nice to have a pass on your irrational behavior because of what you went through. It’s nice to be on the receiving end of sympathetic looks when people hear your story. I played the part of a victim for a quite a while. I had been through a very unfair situation. I allowed my painful experience to define me. I deserved to bemoan my circumstance. The people closest to you do care about what you went through, but sooner or later they will become tired of hearing your painful story. (Sorry…) The rest of the world really doesn’t care at all about what you went through. The world’s pretty mean honestly. The world will never do things for me or deliver what I want. The world doesn’t owe me anything.I had to transition to healthier thinking.
Stop being the victim. Instead take on “The Effective Executive” stance to life. Peter Drucker discusses this life/work approach, showing that our focus should not be on “what can I get out of this situation?” but rather “what can I contribute.” This is the only way to move on.
In order to move forward in your life, let go of your past. Let go of the pain. It’s the only way.